Problematic Pumpkin
by Dr. Jessie
Summary: Who said Halloween wasn't hellish?


**So, it's finally Halloween at Princeton-Plainsboro and, of course, House, for his own sick amusement, has mandated that his team come to work in full costume. Cameron shows up, slightly ticked off that she can't be professional, in a sickeningly sweet Little Bo Peep costume, which actually made House contemplate going to seek out an insulin injection. And Forman has decided that coming to work dressed as an FBI agent (or Men In Black, we couldn't tell) was a good, non-stereotypical costume that maintained his political views. Wilson, who feeling left out, decided to participate, was dressed in a general Elizabethan Era garb, going as an old school vampire or something . And of course, House had the trump costume. He was dressed as Dead Wilson, or as he put it, Wilson after all of his wives decided that they'd be doing the female species a great favor by whacking him. Chase was nowhere to be found.**

**The morning went along rather uneventfully, with Cuddy even bursting in to chastise them for coming to work so unprofessionally, which gave Cameron just the chance she needed to make that face that makes her seem constipated. As I said, the morning was uneventful, but by noon, that had all changed as someone came wandering into the exam room where house had set up his little pseudo-environment, wearing a giant pumpkin on their head and running into things. Namely the door, as he was trying to sit back and watch some quality television.**

**When House threatened to call security, the pumpkin promptly stopped him and told him his story. A story that caused House to become even more snarky than the world thought was allowed.**

**"Let me get this straight," House said when the pumpkin had finished, "You saw the movie "Pumpkin head" and thought it would make a great Halloween costume. So you put this jumbo fruit on your head. Right?"**

**"Right," replied the pumpkin, "but I cut a hole in the bottom first."**

**House raised one of his eyebrows. "As if that makes a difference," he said, "You realize how stupid that sounds, Right?"**

**"Yeah," the pumpkin replied, "But…" he continued, but was interrupted by an annoyed House.**

**"Stop, just stop," House said, "You know what I'm just going to leave you like that because honestly you should know better," he told the oversized fruit, imposing his House-like wisdom on the person within.**

**"WHAT?" the pumpkin shrieked, "But I have work to do!"**

**"Well you should have thought about that before you put the pumpkin on your head, genius,"**

**House said nastily.**

**"Well how am I going to work like this?" the pumpkin asked.**

**"My guess would be very slowly," said House in his infinite wisdom.**

**"But I can hardly see," the fruit protested.**

**"That's not really my problem, now is it?" House asked, growing more and more annoyed with the idiot standing in front of him.**

**"Yes it is your supposed to help me," the pumpkin said erroneously.**

**"I am neither your mother, nor your baby sitter," House told it, "Therefore problems that are not of a medical nature, unless they are interesting, do not fall under the category of problems that are not a waste of my skills, thus i shall do nothing but watch you crash into stuff. You get my drift, you brain dead poor man's child of the corn?"**

**"Child of the corn?" the pumpkin asked stupidly.**

**"Look it up," House said, now very pissed off, "Now go forth and bother someone else. Maury is on in five minutes and Shante is making her forth appearance with the twelfth through fourteenth candidates for her baby's daddy and I demand silence."**

**"Yeah, yeah, whatever," the pumpkin grumbled, "By the way nice eyebrows."**

**As the pissed off pumpkin tries to leave with the last word, House slips his cane under the blind fruits feet, and he trips. As he hits the ground, the pumpkin smashes, throwing pieces and "innards" all over the floor of the room and revealing Chase lying there in shock with is head covered in pumpkin guts.**

**"Maybe next time you'll pick a costume that suits you," said House, pleased with himself. "Like a Teletubby or a dingo who was eaten by a baby. Now clean that up, pumpkin smells like hell."**


End file.
